/Dash/and[Bracket]

I need strength...

2008-01-31T21:05:46Z

Everyday I hear the same quetsion and everyday i try to keep my answer the same :
"It is his choice to end it then and I shall not stop him from what it is he wants...if he is happy i'll be happy because i realize that there is probably girls alot better than me out there and that I won't be his first or last...."

Somehow I feel so distant from my own words...it hurts but I want him to be happy.. I need him to be happy...
the whole happy if he's happy phrase is something that is almost startign to make me sick to the stomach...
but hey..it's love...it tends to hurt.
i have nothing to say and no strength to say it...
i'll just smile and enjoy what i have left because its not worth living in the future when i have soemthing so amazing right now... someone so amazing right now.

end.

My dearest...

2007-12-18T15:44:50Z

I think I don't have the strength to tell you how I feel.Something I am doing is wrong and I don't know what...
but I feel as if I am losing you and just the feeling scares me to death.
I love you more than anything but you seem to not feel the same way anymore.I need you the most right now.
So you don't want this to last forever or to last until its natural end and that is okay...I don't mind as long as you are happy and you still love me we can do whatever makes you happy.

I haven't been myself the past month and I understand if you expect more from me...I understand completely if you want me to be better.I can't stop to think that maybe the reason you don't want the commitment of long distance relationship is because you still want to see what's out there and because you know just as well as i do that you deserve more and better.
It hurts to admit that but you do deserve so much better... but i was just hoping that maybe at least for now I'd be enough for you.

I love you....always.

If you ever pass by here

2007-11-19T20:25:21Z

Yes,you...my darling dearest love.
hmm you asked me what romantic things I'd like...I dare not to tell you.. maybe one day out of sheer luck you may stumble upon them here...
but i know you..you'd never come here so...my futile rebellious act is yet to be somehow victorious.

What would I like?
I really loved that rose and note onto my doorstep...exuberant taste i might add...very romantic..made me melt really.

I think I like the simple yet outstandingly spontaneous things like..

-you rushing at my door one weekend(without me knowing) with pizza,a good movie and maybe a couple of beers..no..not beers.. i don't personally like beer =/ ahh well ..something to drink. just a night in... intimate.. you and me.

-teaching me how to play that dreaded xbox..i might be technologically a relic but i'd love to learn to make u happy :)

-cooking for me...or simply spoiling me completely for a day...

-finger painting.. haah ..i'd love that

- hmm ..take me somewhere in town i've never been before but that you'd know i'd love,i don't necessarily mean a restaurant..could be a bookshop a gallery anything ..even an old derelict house with an amazing garden...

-fix up a dinner for only you an me somewhere special,blind fold me ..surprise me :)

- i love surprises.

-make a photography shoot with us too...i've always wanted that...you don't like me taking pictures of you though :(

-play around with me..chase me ...tickle me ..play hide and seek.. i love these old childish things.

there are many things we could do together... that could makes things up to me... but truth is all I wanted to hear was...that you'd give me a chance.That you would give yourself a chance.That you would give us a chance,because I really love you....and I'd do anything for you if need be. We are not everyone...we are us...you and me......you never know what may have been.I honestly don't want to pend my life thinking about what could of been.I want it to be.I am willing to trust you...and thus I think you...should give yourself a chance because
Fear does not exist...it is only a protection of your thoughts..always in the future...never in the present.What you feel today is important...and not what you think you might feel in months from now....We used to think only in the present ..you and me.Now all you ever talk about at times is how much you do not trust the future...I don't care about the future right now...because present tense says I love you.

The choice is yours ..and yours only.I only want you to somehow know mine...I only want myself to know mine.

To begin with...

2007-11-04T13:17:35Z

I've mentioned who I am in my profile haven't I?
But can few words really explain me?
Not really..as I've said I am complicated....everyone is.
They would not have invented the concept of psychology if the human mind and behaviour was not complex.
I talk ..alot..probably my insecurities trying to lay hidden in some background of infatuated strength..yeah.
I dont hate...not many things..not really....Instead of hate..I apathise,does alot less harm and feels alot better.
Honestly I think hate is overrated....then again sometimes so is love..but not now.
I love being in love at the moment..it's a new feeling I've only started to really deal with since about 10 months ago.
Well too many types of love to get into it..I'll do that some other time..round Valentines Day maybe.

Hmm..sex ...that is also quite overrated..biased bloody subject.Have too be big boobed (alliteration..pro),skinny ,pretty faced,nice behind and all that? Not really well comeone .. life's got a bit more to it than all that .Yeah you have to look like you take care of yourself but what is beautiful?It's got nothing to do with sexy if that's what your mind is on.There's many types of beauty...mind..body..soul.. oh ,well.

Haha....Yes I am highly opinionated...don't get me started on misogenism and politics isit? ....and no..not your common feminist.
I believe in a different type of equality .. not really the hypocritical one everyone is on about...just mere... equality when listening to one anothers oppinions....I have mine you have yours.Don't try to change me to benefit yours. A common respect..that's what i reckon.

Righty then..I have an exam tomorrow...should be studying ..so I'll go into this some other time.

Toodles,
Silvia