Everyday I hear the same quetsion and everyday i try to keep my answer the same :
"It is his choice to end it then and I shall not stop him from what it is he wants...if he is happy i'll be happy because i realize that there is probably girls alot better than me out there and that I won't be his first or last...."

Somehow I feel so distant from my own words...it hurts  but I want him to be happy.. I need him to be happy...
the whole happy if he's happy phrase is something that is almost startign to make me  sick to the stomach...
but hey..it's love...it tends to hurt.
i have nothing to say and no strength to say it...
i'll just smile and enjoy what i have left  because its not worth living in the future when i have soemthing so amazing right now... someone so amazing right now.


end.

Current Mood: blank

Yes,you...my darling dearest love.
hmm you asked me what  romantic things  I'd like...I dare not to tell you.. maybe one day out of sheer luck you may stumble upon them here...
but i know you..you'd never  come here so...my futile rebellious act is yet to be somehow victorious.

What would I like?
I really loved that rose  and note onto my doorstep...exuberant taste i might add...very romantic..made me melt really.


I think I like the simple yet  outstandingly spontaneous things like..

-you rushing at my door one weekend(without me knowing)  with pizza,a good movie and maybe a couple of beers..no..not beers.. i don't personally like beer =/ ahh well ..something to  drink. just a night in... intimate.. you and me.

-teaching me how to play that dreaded xbox..i might  be technologically a relic but i'd love to learn to make u happy :)
 
-cooking for me...or simply spoiling me completely for a day...

-finger painting.. haah ..i'd love that

- hmm ..take me somewhere in town i've never been before but that you'd know i'd love,i don't necessarily mean a restaurant..could be a bookshop a gallery anything ..even an old derelict house with an amazing garden...

-fix up a dinner for only you an me somewhere special,blind fold me ..surprise me :)

- i love surprises.

-make a photography shoot with us too...i've always wanted that...you don't like me taking pictures of you though :(

-play around with me..chase me ...tickle me ..play hide and seek.. i love these old childish things.


there are many things we could do together... that could makes  things up to me... but truth is all I wanted to hear was...that you'd give me a chance.That you would give yourself a chance.That you would give us a chance,because  I really love you....and I'd do anything for you if need be. We are not everyone...we  are us...you and me......you never know  what may have been.I honestly  don't want to pend my life thinking about what could of been.I want it to be.I am willing to trust you...and thus  I think you...should give yourself  a chance because
Fear  does not exist...it is only a protection  of your thoughts..always in the future...never in the present.What you feel today is important...and not what you think you might feel in  months from now....We used  to think only in the present ..you and me.Now all you ever talk about at times is how much you  do not trust the future...I don't care about the future right now...because present tense says I love you.


The choice is yours ..and yours only.I only want you to somehow  know mine...I only want myself to know mine.

Current Mood: calm

I've mentioned who  I am in my  profile haven't I?
But can   few words really explain me?
Not really..as I've said I am complicated....everyone is.
They  would not have invented the concept of  psychology if  the human mind and behaviour was not  complex.
I talk ..alot..probably my insecurities trying to  lay hidden in some background of infatuated strength..yeah.
I dont hate...not many things..not really....Instead of hate..I apathise,does alot less harm  and feels alot better.
Honestly  I think hate is overrated....then again sometimes so is love..but not now.
I love being in love at the moment..it's a new feeling I've only started to really deal with  since about  10 months ago.
Well too many  types of love to get into it..I'll do that some other time..round Valentines Day maybe.


Hmm..sex ...that is also  quite overrated..biased bloody subject.Have too be big boobed (alliteration..pro),skinny ,pretty faced,nice  behind and all that? Not really well comeone .. life's got a bit more to it  than all that .Yeah you have to look like you take care of yourself  but what is beautiful?It's got nothing to do with sexy if that's what your mind is on.There's many types of beauty...mind..body..soul.. oh ,well.


Haha....Yes  I am highly opinionated...don't get me started on  misogenism and politics isit? ....and no..not your common  feminist.
I believe in a different type of equality .. not really the  hypocritical one everyone is on about...just  mere... equality when listening to one anothers oppinions....I have mine you have  yours.Don't try to  change me to benefit yours. A common respect..that's what i reckon.


Righty then..I have an exam tomorrow...should be studying ..so I'll go into this some other time.

Toodles,
Silvia

Current Mood: awake